The Daily Squib

Friday, October 06, 2006

The News In Brief

Girl Thankful She Got Hit By Car A pregnant, teenage mom celebrated her luck yesterday as she was struck down by a car. She gave an exclusive comment to the Daily Squib earlier, 'I was going to have to pay for an abortion, but I guess I just got lucky'.

Burqas Banned For Halloween Jack Straw further immersed himself in controversy earlier today as he said that the veil worn by some Muslim women should be banned for Halloween, over fears they may be mistaken for ghost costumes. He stated 'Not only do I feel uncomfortable, I feel confused too, I mean, I don't know whether to give them a bar of candy or not'.

Israelis Respond To Muslim Police Officer The Israelis hit back at the Muslim police officer PC Basha, who refused to guard the Israeli embassy because of Israels attacks on Lebanon, by claiming that they 'didn't want him guarding our embassy anyway'.

And finally,

Asda Denies Plans For World Domination After recently boasting that they are to take on Microsoft by bringing out their own office software, rumours spread that they are soon planning to take over the world with their cheap, cheap prices. A spokesperson for Asda issued a statement earlier; 'Asda does not as yet have any aspirations for global dominance, at the moment we are quite happy with Britain'.

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